PESHAWAR: `With the onset of December, the sirens of ambulances ring in my ears again... and my blood boils till I don`t see each and every one of them rot in hell... I wish I could save her that day... Black December for me starts today,` Ahmad Qazi writes on hisFacebook page atthe startofone of the country`s most depressing months.

A year ago, a terrorist attack on the Army Public School and College Peshawar had killed 144 people, mostly children besides teachers, administrative staff, watchman and principal Tahira Qazi.

As the Dec 16 attack`s first anniversary is fast approaching, members of the print and electronic media are coming to Peshawar from across the country to speak to the aggrieved familles like that of Mrs Qazi about how they`re feeling about the tragedy.

`I try not to give my emotions to the media,` says Ahmad Qazi, the youngest son of Mrs Qazi.

His eldest brother, Imran, is a special child and his father retired Colonel Zafrullah Qazi too doesn`t speak much about the massacre.

He just wishes that like Malala Yousafzai, the teenager who was shot by the Pakistani Taliban for speaking up for the girls` education but survived to receive the Nobel Peace Prize, theworld would acknowledge Tahira Qazi too for her bravery.

The Pakistangovernmenthasawarded Mrs. Qazi, the name the colleagues at college used for her, with Sitara-i-Shujaat to acknowledge her bravery and courage already. `Tahira was not only my first cousin, and my wife but also my best friend,` retired Colonel Qazi says.

The couple were often seen in their green Suzuki, buying groceries on Sunday in Golden Arrow Market close to their apartment in Peshawar cantonment area.

The two looked inseparable. Yet death set them apart in a very brutal tragic way when perhaps Colonel Qazi having gone through spinal surgery needed her most.

Days before the first anniversary of the Dec 16, 2014 tragedy, the family looked sad yet composed.

There was an uneasy quiet in the small apartment embellished with awards and certificates of Mrs Qazi`s achievements and bravery.

The small family was waiting for their only married daughter to arrive from Lahore. Other family members and relatives were going to arrive soon for the death anniversary. There was not much space to accommodate them.

The dusty doormat and carpet spoke of the recent visits mostly media persons doing profile stories on Mrs Qazi.

Mrs Qazi worked for 20 years at APS.She started as the head of English department when the school was set up in 1994. She grew as the institution grew into a degree college and that she became its principal in 2006, perhaps the first woman principal in a long line of male civil-military principals.

Her youngest son Ahmad Qazi, himself an old student of APS, recalls how balanced his mother was in completing home chores and office tasks. She had started to come late when she became principal.

`Since 2006 there were threats to school and her personal security still Bibi (that`s what he called his mother) made sure each and every child on every single day went home safe,` Mrs.

Qazi`s son says.

Ahmad Qazi can still recall how his mother was overjoyed at his graduation ceremony but it was more to do with some of her students who had also passed out with distinction.

Her family believes she could have easily come out when the school was attacl(ed but she remained behind to ensure her students safety.

Unfortunately, she never made it alive like many of her students and staff on that fateful day.

`I have been to the school after the incident. It is no more the school I used to go,` says Ahmad hinting at the walls which have replaced the iron-grill and the academic environment which has been spoiled by the incident.