THE way we place unnecessary value to one`s proficiency regarding spoken English has a rather funny side to it.

This can be best illustrated by a local fable in Punjab. The locale is the subcontinentunderthe yoke ofthe EastIndia Company. Owing to the presence of `gora Saheb Bahadur` and the interactionof these English speaking intruders with the naive local community, the fetish of imitating the spoken English was turning into a fidget.

In this setting, two local wrestlers, rather call them pehalwans to convey and relish the cultural connotations, were fascinatedby the craze ofspeaking English. They were all ears whenever they heard any gora interacting with the natives.

After a `strenuous` toiling of many months, they became able to speak pidgin English. But there developed a rivalry between the two to outwit each other with their newly acquired `expertise` in English. One day, one friend threw down the gauntlet and asked the other to tell the English equivalent for agar batti. The other in a jiffy blurted out `if thirty-two`. The former himself not knowing the exact translation of the word accepted the answer and his defeat, but nurtured in his heart a grudge against the friend.

Now their meetings thinned out. One day, when they came across each other in the vegetable market, without exchanging their usual courtesies, the first friend, thinking of taking revenge, challenged the other once again. This time, he changed his strategy and asked his friend to translate `misunderstand` into Urdu.

The latter smirked rather victoriously and uttered an amazing set of three words: `Miss neechay khari`. The friend, now twice-vanquished, gulped down the anguish of defeat and moved away mute.

The same holds true in our caricature English-medium schools. Neither the teachersnorthe studentshave the slightest notion what is being taught and learnt.

In the blind pursuit of English, even our students, particularly of early classes,failto understand the questions oftheirtextbooks.They are coerced to do their studies parrot-fashion, with little understanding, if at all. Cognition of Urdu and native languages has been hit the hardest allalong.

Actually, we have always adopted an oxymoronic attitude towards English.

We have neither embraced it wholeheartedly nor rid ourselves of it completely. One government makes it an official language, while the other overturns the decision, declaring it a symbol of colonial legacy.

We have not been successful in making Urdu our official language either even though it is required by the Constitution and has been ordered by the Supreme Court in its 2015 verdict.

No one can even imagine denying the currency of the English language. However, without the provision of prerequisites, like well-trained teachers, tailor-made curriculum and an enabling milieu, adventurism with English learning and teaching is proving counterproductive.

M. Nadeem Nadir Kasur