Hello Auntie, I don`t want to get married. I don`t know how to get my mom and khala [maternal aunt] off my back. I`m on the road to financial independence. And I have great brothers.

I have hobbies to keep me company and freedom to learn whatever I want. My boundaries are being severely compromised.

I also don`t want to disappoint my mother.

She has put a great deal of effort in raising me and wishes to see me dressed up as a bride.

My mental health has also been affected badly. This has turned into something for my relatives and schoolmates who are no longer important to me to poke fun at. I don`t know how to handle this situation.

I`m 27 years old and only starting to pull myself together. I don`t know how to be mature about this, because then it becomes another reason for my father to call me `nafarmaan` [disobedient], when I`m only trying to protect myself, since I`m clearly not ready.

The tension I felt delayed my Central Superior Services (CSS) exam preparation and, now, I don`t have any achievement to present in my case. No amount of baking is cutting it either, I`m losing brownie points.

Please, help! Finding-My-Way Dear Finding-My-Way, First of all, please know that you are not alone many young women feel this same pressure and confusion when it comes to marriage, especially when they`re focused on building a life that reflects their dreams. It`s perfectly okay to not want to get married right now, or even at all. There`s no onesize-fits-all timeline for these things and it sounds like you`re on a journey towards independence, learning and self-growth. That is something to be proud of.

I completely understand that you don`t want to disappoint your mother. Her wish to see you as a bride comes from a place of love, care and, perhaps, even worry. But love doesn`t mean your own feelings should be set aside. Your mental health, your peace of mind and your readiness matter. Entering a marriage under pressure when you`re not emotionally or mentally prepared helps no one in the long run.

It might help to gently explain to your mother (and khala) where you`re coming from. Maybe write your feelings down first or even ask a trusted family member to help you have that conversation calmly. Let her know that this isn`t about rebellion or disobedience this is about needing time, space and clarity for yourself.

I`m sorry that your relatives and former classmates have made you feel like you`re falling behind. But their opinions do not define your worth. You`re working on your goals, on selfdevelopment, and trying to do what`s right for you.

That takes strength.

As for the CSS and the feeling that you have no `achievement` to show, I would say: you are not a checklist. You are not failing. Life doesn`t move in a straight line and it`s okay to be finding your way at 27. The only timeline that truly matters is your own.

Lastly, please don`t be too hard on yourself.

You`re not `nafarmaan`. Wanting to protect your peace and mental health is not disobedience, it`s wisdom. I hope, in time, your parents and family will come to understand that.

Sending prayers your way and I have the faith that you will find your balance with or without a shaadi ka jorra [wedding dress].

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

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