An incredible, new phenomena is taking over the Cliftonian universe. From Washington DC to Aitchisonia-uponChenab, excited folks are rushing to their local malls in search of the latest fragrance released by the House of Cliftonia.

Called Elon`s Musk, it is currently only available at selected outlets and has set the beauty industry, the fashion industry, the advertising industry, the international banking and finance industry, the entertainment industry, the farming and NGO industry, the governmental-bureaucratic industry and the Pentagonian defence industry on fire.

Speaking to the media at a press conference held at the prestigious Delulu Resort and Spa, Cliftonian hero and kingmaker, Doland Trump aka `The Orangeutan` in WWF circles said that the new perfume was the biggest and the best scent ever invented by mankind.

`It is the biggest and the best scent ever invented by mankind,` he said, repeating what this reporter had already reported in this report a sentence ago. `It is also the best perfume that money can buy. If it`s one thing us quintessential Cliftonian bullies know, it`s the wide variety of goodies illicit trust-fund money can buy,` he added.

Introducing Heil Elon the visionary genius behind the eponymous product Trump stated that if there were one man who could out-Trump him in ignorance, pettiness, arrogance, bullying, self-delusion and sleaziness, it was his friend and compadre, Elon.

`Like me, this stable genius has developed a product that is so magical and powerful, that it has gone on to capture the imagination of Cliftonians, and other assorted creatures, all over the world. This new perfume is drenched in high IQ ideas and spreads its stench generously wherever it is unboxed by a great social influencer like me,` he said.

The perfume is proving to be a great success, with orders coming in from every corner of the Cliftonian republic. The great, the good, the Ivy-leagued and the Oxbridged, lightly-bearded menfolk, women of a pious demeanour, budding young alpha-macho teen boys who worship at the altar of St Andrew`s Tate, prominent artists, famous actors, hall of fame athletes, the misogynistic, the bigoted, the Islamophobic, the homophobic and the racially prejudiced, all these (and more) have placed their orders and are waiting to enjoy their first whiff of Elon`s musk.

`I could never imagine that a mere investment of a quarter of a billion dollars could bring me so much joy,` said Elon. `What I have managed to do is beyond your wildest dreams. This success has given me the additional confidence to spread my musk in different parts of the planet.

`I feel so blessed to have the support of Cliftoniansof all shades, especially those whose culture, religion, ethnicity, skin colour and geographies I and my dear friend The Orangeutan viscerally, publicly hate and insult to their very faces. Who knew that they would be such good sports, eh? A lungful of my musk and all they want is to whiten the world with me. It humbles me to see such self-hatred on display,` he added.

Leading names from the world of showbiz have offered their endorsements. Rebecca de Chandio non-vocal singer, game-show host, YouTube political analyst and renowned herbal specialist found the perfume deeply moving. `I was enormously surprised when I sniffed Elon`s Musk on my dear friend, Jimmy Jirga. What is that scent, I wondered? It captured me.

It moved me. In fact, it not only moved me... it also moved my bowels. And no perfume has ever been able to do that,` she said.

`I was at a friend`s place for dinner,` explained Jimmy Jirga, former Senior Vice-President (Retail) at First Cliftonia Bank, current in-favour politician and future dual-national expatriate. `I could hear a brown activist talking about the treatment meted out to trans folk in her neighbourhood. Fortunately, her voice was drowned out by this utterly delish fragrance that seemed to engulf the entire premises. Suddenly, my eyes blanked out the very vision of that tiresometanned creature and my ears fell into a quiet, relaxed silence.

`It was, as if, even the mere thought of the poor had been barred forever from troubling my calm and selfentitled mind,` he added.

Prior to the media event, however, a group of half a dozen Cliftonian anti-status quo revolutionaries held a brief protest outside the venue. Police was called out to pacify the protesters, four of whom were coincidentally named Karen.

`Despite placing our orders early, we still haven`t received our invites to the official launch of Elon`s Musk!` explained Karen Bajwa-Jones, the leader of the group. `Are we being discriminated against because we belong to the radical left of the extreme right? Is there no place for the revolting in fascism anymore? And if that be the case, then it breaks my heart to say that Elon`s aromatic musk is nothing more than an odious pong!` she said.

The revolting ladies and accompanying gentlemen were promptly issued invites to the launch by the authorities and peace, once again, was restored in Cliftonia.

Farid Alvie was born. He currently lives.

He`s on Instagram: @faridalvie