RECENTLY, I have come across a lot of articles bemoaning how familial ties in the country today have become fragile and broken. With an uptick in couples divorcing, brothers killing each other, cousins doing away with friendly ties, people and their in-laws getting on each other`s nerves, and the uncle-nephew and aunt-niece equations growing more toxic than ever, we need to think where we might have gone wrong.

One major reason is a manipulative relative telling us something against somebody. We tend to believe them and we donotbother to ask orconfront the persons concerned if they really did say the stuff, and, if they did, why.

Also, the troublemakers know if one thing they are telling is true, they can add10 other things just to stir the pot, knowing that the other person would still believe them. Resultantly, misunderstandings crop up and the instigators succeed in making us detest the target and change our attitude towards them.

Furthermore, if the target already does not have an immaculate image or is not known for mincing words, the habitual instigators do not need to deploy much effort anyway.

The targetted persons notice the sudden change in behaviour, and feel mistreated.

What they do not do is to ask those concerned what has brought about the changein theirbehaviour.Instead,they start treating the others the same way, and, before anyone realises, equations get derailed and things go awry.

When we are told something against someone, it is better to talk to that person directly. Putting the mischief-makers` head on the line is the key to averting the damage they have the potential to cause.

Ashraf Ahmed Shah Hyderabad