`My Brother`s Addiction Is Ruining Our Family` Hi Auntie, I hope you are doing great. I have been your regular reader for years and I find your valuable advice quite productive. Ours is a joint family, where we are married brothers living with the parents. Being the elder one, I often share financial burden alongside my father.

My younger brother has a public sector job, but he tends to rely on us and this is implicitly approved by parents. He is a drug addict, for which he has remained in a rehabilitation centre for months, but it was futile. The organisation he works for often complains about his regular leaves and non-serious behaviour. We have spent all our energies by arguing a lot with him, but he seems senseless.

My father and mother have become cardiac patients because of him. I often request them to leave him to God`s mercy, but my father is still going from one office to another, requesting officers not to penalise him, and it has been happening quite frequently.

This hapless man is even blessed with two daughters, but it has hardly had an impact on him.

My brother`s spouse is also an aggressive person, who should at least treat her ailing parents-in-law with courtesy, considering what they do for her family. But no, she demands a separate home. Having this kind of trauma, we are waiting for a miracle to rescue my parents and all of us.

Auntie, sorry for the long letter. I`ve tried my best to summarise the issue and this is what I have come up with seeking your kind and valuable advice.

Tired of Carrying the Load Dear Tired of Carrying the Load, Thank you for writing in with such honesty. Your exhaustion and heartbreak are evident and it`s clear that you`re carrying a heavy burden of not just your own family, but of your parents and your younger brother also.

First of all, take a moment to acknowledge your own efforts. You`ve been doing what many wouldn`t or couldn`t. You`ve been patient and responsible in the face of chaos. However, your current situation isn`t sustainable and you already know that.

Now let`s get one thing straight: your brother is an adult. He has made certain choices and it is not your job, nor your parents` job, to cushion him.

Sometimes loving someone means letting them face the consequences of their actions. Protecting him from those consequences, as your father has been doing, is not helping him.

You are right to want boundaries. You are right to want peace for your parents in their old age.

You are right to feel resentful about carrying more than your share. And you are absolutely correct to question why your brother`s wife cannot offer your parents basic respect and support.

Your parents` hearts are soft, yet I hope you can help them see that enabling your brother`s behaviour is not the same as loving him. People such as your brother only wake up when other people are not fixing their messes. It`s time to take a step back.

You need to start setting limits. Say no, the next time your brother seeks help financial or otherwise. Get professional therapy for your own mental health and encourage your parents to do the same. As for his wife`s demand for a separate home... maybe, that is exactly what should happen.

A bit of distance will likely force both of them to wake up to reality.

It will not be easy. But it is important to reclaim your own peace and let go of the parts you cannot control.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

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