THEREaremanywolvesinsheep`s clothing, hiding in plain sight in our society, who most people would never presume could have the tendency to harm a child. They cloak themselves under the respectable labels of the most revered social relationships cunningly and shamelessly exploiting their positions to brutally scar children emotionally and physically.

The rape and murder of little Zainab has prompted much reckoning lately about the issue of child abuse in Pakistan and, personally, has opened up my own wounds as a survivor of such abuse. I have been hooked to the media coverage, following every detail of her case, advocating against child abuse, but secretly relieved that she will not have to grow up with the trauma she experienced, the sense of abandonment, guilt, shame, self doubt, fear, anger and hatred; feelings that make one think they would rather end their own life than carry on.

I don`t know if anyone can imagine a motherless child whose entire childhood was subjected to physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse. But it is a stark truth that I have been through the worst forms of manipulation at every stage of life from the girls at the madressah, to the closest of my relations. I have seen the monsters, the wolves and the witches under the guise of respectability many times, and have lived through the criminal silence and neglect of my supposed saviours.

Today, when I try to educate my own children about how to stay safe, my son has questions. He notices the quiver in my voice and asks if I have ever experienced abuse in my life. I pause, and shrug off his question.

He asks about safety. I wish I could tell him that families can be trusted implicitly, schools and madressahs are always safe havens, and all `uncles` are father figures ...

but sadly none of these are true. The wolves, men or women, can appear in any disguise; they can strike in the most presumably secure of places and shamelessly commit their sins whether or not the parents are there to save the child. I don`t say this, but I tell him that he will have to stay alert and be ready to defend himself.

When he asks about the plight of Zainab and other children like her, I wish I could tell him how abuse can traumatise a child, how it can shatter their trust, how it can steal their innocence, wound and scar their whole being to the point that life is a constant struggle, full of guilt, shame, fear and self-doubt. I don`t say this, because I want to save him even from the thought of such trauma. But I will watch over him, and teach him to look out for himself, his sister and possibly his fellow peers, and raise his voice when he feels that boundaries are being violated.When he asks how children at risk of abuse can be saved, I wish I could tell him that merely identifying perpetrators is not enough. People need to be educated to respect personal boundaries. They need to learn to identify sociopathy and paedophilia and refer people who harbour such tendencies to mental health facilities and rehabilitation centres. The justice system needs to bring perpetrators to task and mete out exemplary punishment. People need to understand that if they stay silent about such crimes, it`s not only the victim whose soul is tormented and destroyed, but also that of the collective conscious of society at large. I do not say this to him, even though he has given me the courage to come out and speak as a survivor, and rid my soul of this burden.

I must say this because 90 per cent of predators are within the f amily, or known to the family, of the victim; because parents and guardians are failing their children by not trusting them; because victims arebeing blamed for `embarrassing` their families and society; because families are becoming complicit in these crimes.

Acquaintances have warned me to stay silent or else risk being judged and ostracised by society.

But I want to help put an end to victim-blaming, I want to raise a son who is sensitive to others` pain and a daughter who knows that her body is her property and that no one can encroach on her personal space without her consent.

My own struggle may not end easily; I may continue to battle with my own traumatic memories. But I will also pat myself on the back for surviving a living hell, still having a positive approach towards life and being forgiving towards others. I will embrace my wounds, which are a part of my experience, because I am proud of the person I have become.

The scourge of child abuse will not end as long as it is enabled through silence. It is important for everyone to understand that when they see or sense that something is wrong around them, they have a social and moral obligation to speak up. To choose silence and ignorance, whether by omission or commission, is to help facilitate perpetrators of such violence to become complicit in their heinous crimes. • The writer is a former reporter who writes on social issues.