Dear Auntie, I am currently facing a hugely confusing situation. I like a guy and we plan to get married soon, but my mother doesn`t like him a lot because he doesn`t earn enough.

Another issue is that, while we get along well, both of us have a dominant nature.

This often results in arguments which, at times, result in shouting encounters, followed by long spells of virtually no communication between us. Sometimes, when we`re having these arguments, my mother often overhears and tries to convince me to leave him for good.

I am scared that, even though I like him, what if we split up after getting married? Then my family may not support me and I will be left on my own to deal with the situation.

Auntie, please advise what I should do.

I don`t want to leave him but, at the same time, I am scared of the repercussions if things turn ugly. It`s pertinent to mention that he has a stable career with a sound future, and I am also a working girl though, once we`re married, I want him to be the primary breadwinner.

Regards, Confused Girl Dear Confused Girl, Let`s keep this super simple. You are trying to make a lifelong decision while standing in the middle of chaos.

The most important thing to know is that your fights matter. Frequent shouting matches and long silences are red flags.

Before talking marriage, the two of you need to learn how to argue, without hurting each other. If both of you are domineering personalities, then you both need to learn compromise and communication. If he isn`t willing to work on this with you now, it will not magically happen after you get married.

The second important thing is your mother`s concerns about his income.

Yes, income isn`t everything, but it also isn`t nothing. Financial stress destroys relationships. You both need a realistic plan for finances, especially since you want him to be the main breadwinner.

Thirdly, never marry someone out of fear, such as the fear of losing him or the fear of facing your family if it ends. Marry because the relationship feels right and, most importantly, is respectful. Trust me, respect is more important than love in a marriage.

What you should do right now is simple.

Tell him you want to work on communication together. You want calmer disagreements, better boundaries with families and a financial plan. See what he says. His response will tell you more than anything else.

And please remember: your family should never `disown` you for a marriage decision.

But you also shouldn`t put yourself in a situation where you`ll need rescuing later.

Take your time and think this through before moving forward.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

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